The Depth Ladder: Facts, Opinions, Feelings

Climb one level at a time: from facts to opinions to feelings, matching what the other person shares.

Solid evidenceAltman & Taylor, 1973 · social penetration theory; Collins & Miller, 1994 · Psychological Bulletin meta-analysis on disclosure and liking

Disclosure and liking are linked in a meta-analysis; the three-step ladder is a teaching simplification.

Why it works

Talk that stays on facts goes flat by minute two. Asking for an opinion, then how it felt, gives the conversation somewhere to go without being too personal.

How to do it

  1. Fact: where, what, when.
  2. Opinion: what do you think of it.
  3. Feeling: how was that for you.
  4. Go up only when they answer the last level fully.

What to say

Which plants do you look after? (fact)

Is the new Gujarat site better than the old one? (opinion)

That must have been a tough first year. How did it feel?

Avoid

Staying on facts for the whole chat. It is the most common reason talk dies after two minutes.

Example

With an HR head at a Mumbai summit, Devendra went from where she worked, to what she thought of hybrid work, to how she felt about leading through layoffs. The chat ran thirty minutes.

Practise it

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