Let Them Talk About Themselves

Aim for them to speak a bit more than you, because talking about oneself feels rewarding.

Solid evidenceTamir & Mitchell, 2012 · PNAS, self-disclosure activates reward areas of the brain

Brain imaging and choice experiments show people value talking about themselves; the exact best talk ratio is not established.

Why it works

People will even give up small amounts of money to talk about themselves. A chat where they spoke a lot feels good to them, even if you said little.

How to do it

  1. Notice if you have talked for more than a minute.
  2. Hand the turn back with a question.
  3. Let them finish before sharing your link.
  4. Keep your shares short.

What to say

Enough about me. How did you get into this?

I would love to hear how you see it.

Avoid

Treating listening as passive. You still share; you just share less.

Example

A Coimbatore pump maker spoke for most of a lunch with Devendra. Later he told a colleague Devendra was a great talker, though Devendra had mostly asked questions.

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